Ryan's latest Blogs
Ryan - March 8, 2008
On The Road Again
Alright, I am guessing it is safe to assume that everyone reading this blog has been on a road trip at one point or another. In my 40 years, I have been a part of a large number of road trips- both solo and as a part of a larger group (plus a couple of caravans). Being that Spring Break is just a few short days away, I thought this may be a good time to discuss some of the finer points of making your road trip one to remember.
01. Final Destination - As obvious as it may seem, the proper selection of your final destination is vital. Set your sights high when planning. Your destination doesn't necessarily have to be exotic, but you should consider big cities, maybe someplace with a beach or perhaps mountains.
02. Your Posse - Do not blow this one. Who you decide to roll with could very well make or break your road trip. Consider the dynamic of the group you will be road-tripping with, while keeping a few points in mind.
First, you need a good navigator/co-pilot. This person should be steady, reliable and an innovator. Oh, and of course they must posses a natural awareness of direction. As much fun as life on the road can be, there are few things worse than wasting time cos of a missed exit. It's awkward for everyone involved.
Second, avoid people with TBS. Tiny Bladder Syndrome. There's nothing more frustrating than someone forcing a bathroom break when you are in the driving groove. Don't let their flow interrupt yours.
Third, make sure you have at least one person who you can rely on to bring some life to the trip. You want someone who is a good conversationalist and who will still be right there with you when you are settled in for the long haul.
03. Soundtrack - What would a road trip be without music? Before your trip, get your music collection together. Obviously, the time you must spend on this is directly proportional to the time you will be spending in the car. Lean towards high-energy songs and throw in several that will get everyone singing. Watch for a theme song to emerge. This is usually one that gets everyone in the car to react. Also, be sure to build a power set. When you are pushing 500+ miles, you will need a boost.
04. Snack Attack - This one is easy: you need something chocolate (but not too much), something crunchy (branch out from chips- maybe give wheat thins a whirl), something sweet (red vines) and something sour (sour gummy worms). Get treats that will stimulate the palette and give you energy to keep going. However, you must stick to the basics. A road trip is not the time to be off exploring the periphery of the food families (this includes ethnic foods). You can't afford to run the risk of unknown side effects. Do it for the sake of everyone else in the car.
05. The Running Joke. - On your trip you've got to have a good joke to refer back to throughout the duration. Don't force this- let it develop naturally during the course of your journey. When it hits, it will be obvious to everyone involved. It really is a magical thing. A good joke will last for the entire trip. A great joke will last for years to come. Think of it as a free souvenir. I still have jokes from road trips in the early 90's. You know, from before when some of you were even born. It's the gift that keeps on giving.
I hope these help you the next time you take it to the streets. I wish you great success.
Ryan - February 6, 2008
OK, so I am about to turn 40 this month!! Pretty scary stuff… But ya know what? I’m not really that scared, I mean, I suppose it could be worse – in dog years I am 280 yrs old. However, in reverse dog years I am just about 6 yrs old! I guess I just have to find the silver lining ya know, and have a glass half-empty mindset. So, here are a few optimistic view points on my turning 40.
01. It could be worse, I could be as old as our pastor.
02. It could be even worse, I could be turning dead.
03. 40 is the new 30!
04. Turning 40 is better than getting punched in the face
05. I heard somewhere that if you’re not 40 you’re not cool…so, sorry to all of you who aren’t 40.
06. 40 kinda rhymes with sporty, which is what I am at 40!
Remember, someday you too will be 40!
Ryan - January 28, 2008
Anyway, I don't really have a topic for this blog, so I decided to just ramble off some random thoughts.
1. It is crazy how the internet has changed our lives. You probably don't remember life without the it, but it has totally revolutionized the way we communicate and obtain information. Without the internet, I'd have to waste your time with my random thoughts by sending you a letter or something. Thank God for the internet. That Al Gore really knew what he was doing! (ed. note: Al Gore did not invent the internet, he just thinks he did.)
2. Speaking of Al Gore, did you know his wife's name is Tipper? I always wondered... when she eats out at a restaurant, is she a good tipper? With a name like that you would have to be, right? If she hit a home run, do you think she would tipper hat to the crowd? When she gets mad, does she have a tipper tantrum? (ed. note: Tipper's name has no impact on how much money she pays her server,she doesn't play baseball, and there's no such thing as a tipper tantrum. )
3. Would you rather have freezing rain, or for it to literally rain cats and dogs? Freezing rain knocks out the electricity or causes you to fall as soon as you step outside, so that's no good. Raining cats wouldn't do much, because they always land on their feet. So that wouldn't do any damage unless they landed directly on your face or something. But if you throw dogs in the mix, that could get messy. I imagine if I looked up and saw Great Danes and St. Bernards falling from the sky I'd probably rain my pants. (ed. note: I don't know what that means, and frankly, I don't want to know.)
4. If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound? I don't know. A better question is, If a tree falls on my house, and nobody is there to clear it, does it still make me mad? The answer: Yes. (ed. note: You can find the answer to the first question on the world wide web via Google or Wikipedia!)
Ryan - January 23, 2008
DISCLAIMER: I should say up front that I have done no formal study nor have I conducted any type of survey or random phone calls, a.k.a. telemarketing on the following subject.
Having prefaced this blog with that statement let me say this…97.23376% of Americans enjoy potato chips – and that is a conservative estimate. With such a large percentage of Americans who enjoy potato chips, one would hope that the potato chip consumer would take the consumption of potato chips a little more serious. However, the sad truth is that many potato chip eaters fail to fully appreciate the tasty potential of such delectable treats. Oh no, most people look at chips as some sort of “meal filler”, something with which to pass the time or fill up any empty pockets of air in their stomach. Consequently, the attitude of “any ‘ole chip will do” takes place. And that is unfortunate because the potato chip can be a meal maker or a meal breaker!
Allow me to give you some of my CHIP TIPS to help you ensure the best lunch/life ever:
(In no particular order)
01. SNACKABILITY – are you able to take your chips on the go? If you can put your chips in a backpack or coach purse then it is safe to say that your chip bag size has great snackability.
02. SIZEABILITY – this is different from snackability, this is in regards to the Actual Size Of the Chip (a.k.a. – A.S.0.C.). Sizeability is important so that you can conveniently stuff your face with a sizeable amount of delicious potato chips! Here are some examples of chips with excellent sizeability: mini-Pringles, regular Pringles, and Frito’s corn chips.
03. FLAVOROCITY – an incredibly important factor for an outstanding chip is the flavor. Now a’ days the chip selection is as wide and vast as the open seas or the never ending sky…which of course means, so are the flavors. Of course it ultimately depends on your personal taste palate, but you really want to look for something that will make you say one of the following phrases: “Wow, it”s like a party in my mouth!” Or, “Yeee hawwww, that’s a kick in the pants!” Or, “hay el dolor en la garganta!” Or, “I enjoy consuming this food item.” Or, “Mmmmmm.”
04. TEXTURFICATION – the texture of a chip can be just as important as any other part of your chip chompin’ experience. You don’t want something too brittle, but you definitely don’t want a chip that seems unbreakable either. You want a chip that is just right…a perfect blend of teeth resistance and crunchtasticness. On a side note…other chip connoisseurs refer to this “perfection” as crunchability.
Well, there ya have it. Four easy Chip Tips that will help you on your quest for the best possible chip eating experience. I will leave you with my top three favorite chips:
01. Miss Vickie’s Jalapeño chips – high in flavorocity and texturfication
02. Nacho Cheese Doritos – high in flavorocity; low in sizeability
03. Tostitos Bite Size Gold – perfect combo of sizeability and texturfication; great dipability
Until next time…Chips Ahoy (not the cookies),